How To Find Happiness Blog

“But where do I fit in? There’s nowhere for me to be. I just want to be…be somebody…be happy…belong!” the young girl said.

It really was crowded. I have no idea why. I was at the local mall on one of my getaway-from-it-all visits. When things begin to blur and my mind is nearly at a dead stop, I know it’s time to take a break. In the winter I head for the mall.

It goes back to my childhood when we would go window shopping on a Saturday evening just to get out of the house for a while. We also sat in our car at a local shopping center munching on a favorite treat and just watching people as they walked by.

So sitting in the mall is a comfortable place for me. I don’t stay long. You’ll never see me slumped over snoring like some of the old guys. I don’t gather with others in conversation nor do I bring a deck of cards and sit in the food court. I re-energize and move on.

Today though, my people watching skills we at a peak. The place was buzzing.

There were three benches gathered together facing each other and I was fortunate to find one spot at the end.

There was a mix of people of all ages. And a constant flow of shoppers passing by.

Suddenly there was a bit of a ruckus. A beautiful young girl appearing to be about 12 years old approached a woman sitting on the bench nearby me. The woman said, “Why don’t you sit with me for a while?” She seemed quiet and a bit reflective at first glance, but suddenly started to moan and whine about things. There obviously wasn’t room for her and she became quite upset.

“But where do I fit in? There’s nowhere for me to be. I just want to be…be somebody…be happy…belong!” the young girl said.

There was more to this than not having a seat on the bench. This was a young lady struggling to discover who she was and where she belonged.

I was about to offer my seat to her when an older gentleman sitting next to the woman got up and left. I think he just didn’t want to get involved.

But if you know me by now, I saw this as an opportunity to jump right in.

“It’s not just a seat you’re looking for is it?” I said as I looked at the young girl.

“What? Are you talking to me?” she said.

“Yes, I am.”

“No, it’s not just a seat.”

“I can’t tell you I remember being your age. But I can tell you that somewhere about that time is when I started to hurt.”

“You hurt? Was there something wrong?”

“Not hurt in a physical, somebody-beat-me-up kind of way. But I hurt all over because I wanted to fit in with life. Not just friends, but the world. Not just school, but when I looked in the mirror. I wanted to see me. I didn’t even know who that was I was looking at.”

“Mom, see he knows how I feel,” she said as she turned toward the lady next to her.

“Sir, I’ve been telling her the same thing. But because I’m her Mom, it doesn’t sound the same. It sounds like criticism,” the woman said.

“I know. I have two sons. I am trying to find an interpreter who speaks ‘youth,’” I said with a laugh.

Then looking at the young girl I said, “I wish I could tell you that this will all go away. It never goes away, it evolves. It changes from these issues of youth into new challenges of life, of growing up and then growing old. Oh, you will get a sense of who you are. You will one day suddenly seem to understand what you want. But the world changes right along with you and suddenly those dreams that once were so important to you fade in comparison to new visions. Things that you could not possibly see then, but were in truth there all along will suddenly appear. You’ll look in the mirror many times in your life and question yourself. It’s good to do that. Because you can’t lie to that person. You can’t pretend to be something or someone else. That reflection doesn’t lie.”

“So I’ll struggle with this forever?” she asked me.

“No. You’ll struggle now until you realize the value of the search for the real you. Believe it or not this is a good thing. You are like a rose. Until now you were just a small bud developing and growing. Now you are starting to bloom, open up. These outside petals are the questions you just asked. ” where do I fit in?, I just want to be…be somebody…be happy…belong!” You are just opening up to the beauty that’s inside you,” I said.

“But maybe I don’t want to be a rose,” she said smartly.

“Great! Then start with that. Ask yourself, “If I were a flower what would I want to be?” Then be it!

Excellent! Don’t settle for a rose. Be a petunia, a daisy, a violet! Then think how that flower lives. How does it grow? What does it need to grow? How does it possibly get so beautiful when it started out from nothing?”

“But I’ve been growing too long!” she said.

Then I shared this story:

“In the far East the people plant a tree called the Chinese bamboo. During the first four years they water and fertilize the plant with seemingly little or no results. Then the fifth year they again apply water and fertilizer. In five weeks’ time the tree grows 90 feet.”

“Wow” she said.

“Now my question to you is, did it grow 90 feet in five weeks or five years?”

She thought for a moment and then with a relaxing sigh quietly said, “Five years.”

“I’ve decided that I don’t want to be a flower at all. I want to be a bamboo!”

We all laughed. The young girl turned and hugged her mom. I stood up and said my goodbyes and as I turned around to look at them one more time, I swear when the young girl stood up, she looked so much taller. I think perhaps she grew up a little today.

But we never stop growing.

- Written by Bob Perks http://www.bobperks.com.

One day Mr. Shoaff said, “Jim, if you want to be wealthy and happy, learn this lesson well: Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job.”

Since that time I’ve been working on my own personal development. And I must admit that this has been the most challenging assignment of all. This business of personal development lasts a lifetime.

You see, what you become is far more important than what you get. The important question to ask on the job is not, “What am I getting?” Instead, you should ask, “What am I becoming?” Getting and becoming are like Siamese twins: What you become directly influences what you get. Think of it this way: Most of what you have today you have attracted by becoming the person you are today.

I’ve also found that income rarely exceeds personal development. Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities that come with it, it will usually shrink back to the amount you can handle.

If someone hands you a million dollars, you’d better hurry up and become a millionaire. A very rich man once said, “If you took all the money in the world and divided it equally among everybody, it would soon be back in the same pockets it was before.”

It is hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development

So here’s the great axiom of life:

–To Have More Than You’ve Got, Become More Than You Are–

This is where you should focus most of your attention. Otherwise, you just might have to contend with the axiom of not changing, which is:

–Unless You Change How You Are, You’ll Always Have What You’ve Got–

To Your Success, Jim Rohn

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Article by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to here.

There is a close association between personal charisma and success in life. Probably 85 percent of your success and happiness will come from your relationships and interactions with others. The more positively others respond to you, the easier it will be for you to get the things you want.

The Law of Attraction

In essence, when we discuss charisma, we are talking about the law of attraction. This law has been stated in many different ways down through the centuries, but it basically says that you inevitably attract into your life the people and circumstances that harmonize with your dominant thoughts.

You Are A Living Magnet

In a sense, you are a living magnet, and you are constantly radiating thought waves, like a radio station radiates sound waves, that are picked up by other people. Your thoughts, intensified by your emotions, as radio waves are intensified by electric impulses, go out from you and are picked up by anyone who is tuned in to a similar wavelength. You then attract into your life people, ideas, opportunities, resources, circumstances and anything else that is consistent with your dominant frame of mind.

The law of attraction also explains how you can build up your levels of charisma so that you can have a greater and more positive impact on the people whose cooperation, support and affection you desire.

Perception is Everything

The critical thing to remember about charisma is that it is largely based on perception. It is based on what people think about you. It is not so much reality as it is what people perceive you to be. For example, one person can create charisma in another person by speaking in glowing terms about that person to a third party. If you believe that you are about to meet an outstanding and important person, that person will tend to have charisma for you.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta

One of the most charismatic people in the world was Mother Teresa of Calcutta. In a physical sense, she was a quiet, elderly, frail woman in poor health, and she wore a modest nun’s habit. She might have been ignored by a person passing her on the street, were it not for the tremendous charisma she developed and for the fact that her appearance was so well-known to so many people as a result.

How Would You Feel?

If someone told you that he was going to introduce you to a brilliant, self-made millionaire who was very quiet and unassuming about his success, you would almost naturally imbue that person with charisma, and in his presence, you would not act the same as you would if you had been told nothing at all. Charisma begins largely in the mind of the beholder.

Lasting charisma depends more upon the person you really are than upon just the things you do.

Continually look for ways to improve other’s perceptions of you so that you can be more influential with them. Be a living magnet.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, be clear about the messages you are sending and the perceptions you are creating in others. Are these perceptions consistent with the impressions you want to make?

Second, see yourself and imagine yourself every day as an important powerful and charming person. Treat others as you would if you were already strong, famous and influential.

———————-
Article by Brian Tracy

Get Brian Tracy’s 21 Success Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires for FREE! “Did you know that every 60 seconds someone else in the world becomes a Millionaire?” Wouldn’t it be great to know their secrets? Their formulas? The little-known facts? Well now you can - and ALL for FREE! Absolutely no commitments and no strings attached. Get it Get it here.

Your job is to organize your life and work so as to minimize surprises and problems. However, this is not always possible, in spite of your best efforts.

Use the Worry Buster

If you are already facing a fear- or worry-inducing situation, here are the four steps of what we refer to as the “worry buster.”

Clarity is Everything

Step Number One: Define the worry situation clearly in writing - fully half of all problems can be solved just by clearly defining them. Remember, “Accurate diagnosis is half the cure.”

Determine the Worst

Step Number Two: Determine the worst possible outcome of the situation. What is the absolute worst that can happen?

Be Willing to Have it So

Step Number Three: Resolve to accept the worst should it occur. The first step in dealing with any negative situation is to be willing to have it so. Once you resolve to accept the worst, your mind will become calm and clear and you’ll be ready to take some constructive action.

Take Action

Step Number Four: The final step is to immediately begin doing everything you possibly can to improve upon the worst.

The Real Antidote to Worry

Remember, worry is merely a sustained form of fear caused by indecision. The only real antidote to worry is purposeful action. Get so busy doing something about your situation that you don’t have time to worry. As you take action, your confidence, courage and sense of control will return and wipe away your fears.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do to get rid of your worries:

First, make a list, down one side of a page, of all the situations causing you any stress or worry at the moment.

Second, on the other side of the page, write out the worst possible thing that could happen as a result. You’ll be amazed to see much of your worry disappear with this exercise.

———————- Article by Brian Tracy

Get Brian Tracy’s 21 Success Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires for FREE! “Did you know that every 60 seconds someone else in the world becomes a Millionaire?” Wouldn’t it be great to know their secrets? Their formulas? The little-known facts? Well now you can - and ALL for FREE! Absolutely no commitments and no strings attached. Get it Get it here.

The Determinant of Your Success

Perhaps the most powerful single factor in your personal success is your beliefs about yourself and money. We call this the Law of Belief. It says simply this: Whatever you believe, with feeling, becomes your reality.

What Successful People Believe

Whatever you intensely believe becomes your reality. That we have a tendency to block out any information coming in to us that is inconsistent with our reality. What we’ve discovered is that successful people absolutely believe that they have the ability to succeed. And they will not entertain, think about, or talk about the possibilities that they’ll fail. They do not even consider the possibility of failure.

Positive Thinking Versus Positive Knowing

You always act in a matter consistent with your beliefs. The most important belief system you can build is a prosperity consciousness where you absolutely believe that you are going achieve your financial goals.

We call this positive knowing versus positive thinking. Positive thinking can sometimes be wishing or hoping. But positive knowing is when you absolutely know that no matter what, you will be successful.

The Foundation of Willpower

Another principle related to your beliefs is willpower. We know that willpower is essential to any success. Willpower is based on confidence. It’s based on conviction. It’s based on faith. It’s based on your belief in your ability to triumph over all obstacles. And you can develop willpower by persistence, by working on your goals, by reading the biographies of successful people, by listening to audio programs, by reading books about people who’ve achieved success.

The more information you take into your mind consistent with success, the more likely it is that you will develop the willpower to push you through the obstacles and difficulties you will experience.

Beat The Odds on Success

Remember that success is rare. Only one person in one hundred becomes wealthy in the course of a lifetime. Only five percent achieve financial independence. That means that the odds against you are 19-to-1. The only way that you’re going to achieve your financial goals is if you get really serious. To succeed, you must get serious. You must get busy. You must get active. You must get going. Remember, everything counts.

Resolve To Achieve Greatly

Self-mastery, self-control, self-discipline are essential for anyone who wants to achieve greatly. And control over your thoughts is the hardest exercise in self-mastery that you will ever engage in.

See if you can talk and think about only what you desire and not talk or think about anything that you don’t want for 24 hours. Then you’ll see what you’re really made of. It’s a hard thing to do but with practice, you can reach the point where you are thinking about your goals and desires most of the time. Then, your whole life will change for the better.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do to build a belief system consistent with the financial success you desire:

First, continually repeat to yourself the words, pictures and thoughts consistent with your dreams and goals. Whatever you repeat often enough, over and over, becomes a new belief.

Second, set a goal for yourself to think and talk only about the things that you want for the next 24 hours. This will be one of the hardest things you ever do. But if you can keep your mind on what you want and off of what you don’t want for 24 hours, you can begin to change your entire future.

———————-
Article by Brian Tracy

Get Brian Tracy’s 21 Success Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires for FREE!
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Wouldn’t it be great to know their secrets? Their formulas? The little-known facts? Well now you can - and ALL for FREE! Absolutely no commitments and no strings attached.
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What is the origin of true ambition? There exists really only one place to find true ambition and that is within you – in every thought, in every movement, in every motivation. Your ambition is an expression of who you truly are, your own self-expression.

Self-expression. Isn’t self-expression really self-direction? How you think, how you move, how you motivate yourself. Ambition is a result of self-direction and self-direction is one of the six key principles necessary for building ambition. Positive self-direction says, “I know who I am and I know where I want to go. I’m accumulating knowledge and experiences and feelings and philosophies that will help prepare me for opportunities that I know will show up without notice or any help on my part.” Because you know where you want to go, you have already been working on the parts of your personality that will make you better. Working on your attitude, working on your health, working on your time management skills. Putting it all down on paper. And you constantly see yourself in the place you want to be, going in the direction you want to go.

Direction determines destination. So here is a question you must ask yourself, “Are all the disciplines that I’m currently engaged in taking me where I want to go?” What an important question to ask yourself at the beginning of the month, the beginning of the week, the beginning of the day. Because here is what you don’t ever want to do - kid yourself. Kid your neighbor, kid me and kid the marketplace, but don’t kid yourself - fingers crossed - hoping you will arrive at a good destination when you’re not even headed that way. You have to ask yourself often, Am I? Am I doing the disciplines that are taking me in the direction I want to go? Don’t neglect to ask these important questions, questions that help determine your direction, the set of your sail, your destination.

Is this the direction I want for my life?
Is this someone else’s direction?
Is this a goal I have been ingrained with since my childhood?
Is this goal my parent’s, my spouse’s, my boss’, my children’s or is it Mine?

Ask yourself these questions and then debate them. After you have answered these questions within yourself, then take it one step further and ask, “What am I doing that is working or not working?” Debate it all. Work with your mind to figure out the best possible direction for you - your self-direction. And then ambitiously pursue your own self-direction. Let the power of your own ambition take you where you want to go, to do what you want to do, to create the life you want to live!

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Article by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to here.

How Are You Treated By Others?

Self-acceptance begins in infancy, with the influence of your parents and siblings and other important people.

Your own level of self-acceptance is determined largely by how well you feel you are accepted by the important people in your life.

Your attitude toward yourself is determined largely by the attitudes that you think other people have toward you. When you believe that other people think highly of you, your level of self-acceptance and self-esteem goes straight up.

The best way to build a healthy personality involves understanding yourself and your feelings.

Let The Light Shine In

This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won’t make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.

Understand What Makes You Tick

The second part of personality development follows from self-disclosure, and it’s called self-awareness. Only when you can disclose what you’re truly thinking and feeling to someone else can you become aware of those thoughts and emotions If the other person simply listens to you without commenting or criticizing, you have the opportunity to become more aware of the person you are and why you do the things you do. You begin to develop perspective, or what the Buddhists call “detachment.”

Be Honest With Yourself

Now we come to the good part. After you’ve gone through self-disclosure to self-awareness, you arrive at self-acceptance. You accept yourself for the person you are, with good points and bad points, with strengths and weaknesses, and with the normal frailties of a human being. When you develop the ability to stand back and look at yourself honestly, and to candidly admit to others that you may not be perfect but you’re all you’ve got, you start to enjoy a heightened sense of self-acceptance.

Do An Inventory Of Your Accomplishments

A valuable exercise for developing higher levels of self-acceptance involves doing an inventory of yourself. In doing this inventory, your job is to accentuate the positive and minimize the negative.

Think of your unique talents and abilities. Think of your core skills, the things that you do exceptionally well that account for your success in your profession and in your personal life right now.

Think About Your Future

Think about your future possibilities and the fact that your potential is virtually unlimited. You can do what you want to do and go where you want to go. You can be the person you want to be. You can set large and small goals and make plans and move step-by-step, progressively toward their realization. There are no obstacles to what you can accomplish except the obstacles that you create in your mind.

Action Exercises

Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action:

First, sit down with your spouse, or a good friend, and tell him or her about something that is troubling you and is still causing you unhappiness.

Second, develop perspective on your problem by standing back from it and imagining that it was happening to someone else. What advice would you give to that person?

Third, think continually about the good experiences and accomplishments you have enjoyed in the past. Remind yourself regularly that you are a pretty good person and you’ve done a lot of good things in your life.

———————-
Article by Brian Tracy

Get Brian Tracy’s 21 Success Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires for FREE!
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Somebody said you have to love what you do, but that’s not necessarily true. What is true is that you have to love the opportunity. The opportunity to build life, future, health, success and fortune. Knocking on someone’s door may not be something you love to do, but you love the opportunity of what might be behind that door.

For example, a guy says, “I’m digging ditches. Should I love digging ditches?” The answer is, “No, you don’t have to love digging ditches, but if it is your first entry onto the ladder of success, you say, ‘I’m glad somebody gave me the opportunity to dig ditches and I’m going to do it so well, I won’t be here long.’”

You can be inspired by having found something even though you are making mistakes in the beginning and even though it is a little distasteful taking on a new discipline that you haven’t learned before. You don’t have to love it, you just have to learn to appreciate America, appreciate opportunity and appreciate the person who brought you the good news; that found you.

Appreciate the person who believed in you before you believed in yourself, appreciate the person who said, “Hey, if I can do it, you can do it.”

If you will embrace the disciplines associated with the new opportunity you will soon find that your self-confidence starts to grow, that you go from being a skeptic to being a believer. And soon when you go out person to person, talking to people, you will find it to be the most thrilling opportunity in the world. Every person you meet - what could it be? Unlimited! Maybe a friend for life. The next person could be an open door to retiring. The next person could be a colleague for years to come. It’s big time stuff. And sometimes in the beginning when we are just getting started we don’t always see how big it is.

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Article by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to here.

The most important thing you do for your success is to take control of the suggestive elements in your environment. Be sure that what you are seeing and listening to is consistent with the goals you want to achieve.

Listen Your Way To Success

Listen to educational audio programs in your car. The average person drives 12,000 to 25,000 miles per year which works out to between 500 and 1000 hours per year that the average person spends in his or her car. You can become an expert in your field by simply listening to educational audio programs as you drive from place to place.

Take Courses In Your Field

Attend seminars given by experts in your field. Take additional courses and learn everything you possibly can. Learn from the experts. Ask them questions, write them letters, read their books, read their articles and listen to people with proven track records in the area in which you want to be successful.

Get Around The Right People

Associate only with positive, success-oriented people. Get around winners. As we say, fly with the eagles. You can’t fly with the eagles if you keep scratching with the turkeys. Get away from the go-nowhere types and above all, get away from negative people. Get away from negative coworkers. If you’ve got a negative boss, seriously consider changing jobs. Associating on a regular basis with negative people is enough in itself to condemn you to a life of underachievement, frustration and failure. Associate only with positive people. Get around winners.

Visualize Your Goals

The last thing before you sleep and the first thing in the morning, think about and visualize your goals as realities. See your goal as though it already existed. Your subconscious mind is only activated by affirmations and pictures that are received in the present tense. See your goal vividly just before you go to sleep. See yourself performing at your best. See the situations that you’re facing working out exactly the way you want them to.

Feed Yourself Mental Pictures

See yourself living the kind of life that you want to live. See yourself with the kind of relationships, the kind of health, the kind of car, the kind of home you really want. Visualize just before you fall asleep at night. The first thing you do when you get up in the morning is to feed yourself mental pictures. Those are the two times of the day when your subconscious mind is most receptive to new programming, when you fall asleep and when you wake up.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do, all day long, to keep your mind and emotions focused on your goals and financial success:

First, listen to audio programs in your car and when you travel around. Continue feeding your mind with a stream of high-quality, educational, motivational material that moves you toward your goal.

Second, resolve to associate with positive, optimistic people most of the time. Get around winners and get away from negative people who criticize, condemn and complain. This can change your life as much as any other factor.

———————-
Article by Brian Tracy

Get Brian Tracy’s 21 Success Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires for FREE!
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Wouldn’t it be great to know their secrets? Their formulas? The little-known facts? Well now you can - and ALL for FREE! Absolutely no commitments and no strings attached.
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The Master Key To Riches

Discipline yourself to do what you know you need to do to be the very best in your field. Perhaps the best definition of self discipline is this: “Self discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.”

It is easy to do something when you feel like it. It’s when you don’t feel like it and you force yourself to do it anyway that you move your life and career onto the fast track.

What decisions do you need to make today in order to start moving toward the top of your field? Whatever it is, either to get in or get out, make a decision today and then get started. This single act alone can change the whole direction of your life.

Seven Steps to Success

There is a powerful seven step formula that you can use to set and achieve your goals for the rest of your life. Every single successful person uses this formula or some variation of this formula to achieve vastly more than the average person. And so can you. Here it is:

Decide What You Want

Step number one, decide exactly what it is you want in each part of your life. Become a “meaningful specific” rather than a “wandering generality.”

Write It Down

Second, write it down, clearly and in detail. Always think on paper. A goal that is not in writing is not a goal at all. It is merely a wish and it has no energy behind it.

Set A Deadline

Third, set a deadline for your goal. A deadline acts as a “forcing system” in your subconscious mind. It motivates you to do the things necessary to make your goal come true. If it is a big enough goal, set sub-deadlines as well. Don’t leave this to chance.

Make A List

Fourth, make a list of everything that you can think of that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal. When you think of new tasks and activities, write them on your list until your list is complete.

Organize Your List

Fifth, organize your list into a plan. Decide what you will have to do first and what you will have to do second. Decide what is more important and what is less important. And then write out your plan on paper, the same way you would develop a blueprint to build your dream house.

Take Action

The sixth step is for you to take action on your plan. Do something. Do anything. But get busy. Get going.

Do Something Every Day

Do something every single day that moves you in the direction of your most important goal at the moment. Develop the discipline of doing something 365 days each year that is moving you forward. You will be absolutely astonished at how much you accomplish when you utilize this formula in your life every single day.

Action Exercises

1. Decide exactly what you want, write it down with a deadline, make a plan and take action — on at least one goal — today!

2. Determine the price you will have to pay to achieve this goal and then get busy paying that price — whatever it is.

———————-
Article by Brian Tracy

Get Brian Tracy’s 21 Success Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires for FREE!
“Did you know that every 60 seconds someone else in the world becomes a Millionaire?”
Wouldn’t it be great to know their secrets? Their formulas? The little-known facts? Well now you can - and ALL for FREE! Absolutely no commitments and no strings attached.
Get it Get it here.