How To Find Happiness Blog

Those of you who are avid baseball fans, students of law, or both, are probably familiar with the name Kennesaw Mountain Landis. He was baseball’s first commissioner, and before that a federal judge. However, long before those pursuits, he was an amateur athlete, and the sport he excelled at was bicycle riding.

Landis was not the fastest or the strongest bike racer, but he more than compensated for his average athletic ability with psychology.

On one occasion, before a big race in a strange town, Landis purchased twenty medals and pinned them to his racing uniform. He arrived at the race already looking like a repeat champion, and so completely intimidated his rivals that he won the race.

You might not be the strongest, or the slimmest, or the best-looking gentleman in any given situation, at any given moment. But if you enter a room with the attitude that you are the best, you will be treated as such.

This neither means pinning medals to your clothes nor being condescending to others. It simply means conveying the attitude of a noble and successful winner.

And that is what the ladies will respect and the men will envy.

(thanks to Sam Spade)

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, and then drive away. But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. “Just a minute”, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

It’s nothing”, I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated”.

“Oh, you’re such a good boy”, she said.

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?”

“It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice”.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

“I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I don’t have very long.”

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. “What route would you like me to take?” I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now.”

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. “How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said.

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other passengers,” I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. “You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life. We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

(Author Unknown)

Evaluating Your Associations (Part II)

In Part I we took a look at the power of influence in our lives and how it is possible to be nudged off course a little at a time until finally, we find ourselves asking, “How did I get here?”

We then asked three key questions:

1) “Who am I around?” You’ve got to evaluate everybody who is able to influence you in any way.

2) “What are these associations doing to me?” That’s a major question to ask. What have they got me doing, listening to, reading, thinking and feeling? You’ve got to make a serious study of how others are influencing you, both negatively and positively.

3) “Is that okay?” Maybe everyone you associate with has been a positive, energizing influence. Then again, maybe there are some bad apples in the bunch. All I’m suggesting here is that you take a close and objective look. Everything is worth a second look, especially the power of influence. Both will take you somewhere, but only one will take you in the direction you need to go.

This week we wanted to discuss three ways to handle associations or relationships that are holding you back.

1) Disassociate. This is not an easy decision, nor something you should take lightly, but in some cases it may be essential (please don’t email me asking to advise you about this, only you can decide). You may just have to make the hard choice not to let certain negative influences affect you any more. It could be a choice that preserves the quality of your life.

2) Limited association. Spend major time with major influence and minor time with minor influences. It is easy to do just the opposite, but don’t fall into that trap. Take a look at your priorities and your values. We have so little time at our disposal. Wouldn’t it make sense to invest it wisely?

3) Expanding your associations. This is the one I suggest you focus on the most. Find other successful people that you can spend more time with. Invite them to lunch (pick up the tab) and ask them how they have achieved so much or what makes them successful. Now, this is not just about financial success, it can be someone that you want to learn from about having a better marriage, being a better parent, having better health or a stronger spiritual life.

It is called association on purpose - getting around the right people by expanding your circle of influence. And when you do that, you will naturally limit the relationships that are holding you back. Give it a try and see for yourself.

——- Article by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to here.

If you were to evaluate the major influences in your life that have shaped the kind of person you are, this has to be high on the list: the people and thoughts you choose to allow into your life. Mr. Shoaff gave me a very important warning in those early days that I would like to share with you. He said, “Never underestimate the power of influence.” Indeed, the influence of those around us is so powerful! Many times we don’t even realize we’re being strongly affected because influences generally develop over an extended period of time.

Peer pressure is an especially powerful force because it is so subtle. If you’re around people who spend all they make, chances are excellent that you’ll spend all you make. If you are around people who go to more ball games than concerts, chances are excellent that you’ll do the same thing. If you are around people who don’t read, chances are excellent that you won’t read. People can keep nudging us off course a little at a time until finally, we find ourselves asking, “How did I get here?” Those subtle influences need to be studied carefully if we really want our lives to turn out the way we’ve planned.

With regard to this important point, let me give you three key questions to ask yourself. They may help you to make better analysis of your current associations.

Here is the first question: “Who am I around?” Make a mental note of the people with whom you most often associate. You’ve got to evaluate everybody who is able to influence you in any way.

The second question is: “What are these associations doing to me?” That’s a major question to ask. What have they got me doing? What have they got me listening to? What have they got me reading? Where have they got me going? What do they have me thinking? How have they got me talking? How have they got me feeling? What have they got me saying? You’ve got to make a serious study of how others are influencing you, both negatively and positively.

Here’s a final question: “Is that okay?” Maybe everyone you associate with has been a positive, energizing influence. Then again, maybe there are some bad apples in the bunch. All I’m suggesting here is that you take a close and objective look. Everything is worth a second look, especially the power of influence. Both will take you somewhere, but only one will take you in the direction you need to go.

It’s easy to just dismiss the things that influence our lives. One man say’s, “I live here, but I don’t think it matters. I’m around these people, but I don’t think it hurts.” I would take another look at that. Remember, everything matters! Sure, some things matter more than others, but everything amounts to something. You’ve got to keep checking to find out whether your associations are tipping the scales toward the positive or toward the negative. Ignorance is never the best policy. Finding out is the best policy.

Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the little bird. He had his wing over his eye and he was crying. The owl said to the bird, “You are crying.” “Yes,” said the little bird, and he pulled his wing away from his eye. “Oh, I see,” said the owl. “You’re crying because the big bird pecked out your eye.” And the little bird said, “No, I’m not crying because the big bird pecked out my eye. I’m crying because I let him.”

It’s easy to let influence shape our lives, to let associations determine our direction, to let pressures overwhelm us, and to let tides take us. The big question is, are we letting ourselves become what we wish to become?

In Part II we’ll take a look at the three forms of disassociating from negative influences. Until then, ——- Article by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to here.

Most successful people can be characterized as having very high levels of energy. Since energy is the fuel with which everything is achieved, there seems to be a direct relationship between energy levels and levels of accomplishment. It is hard to imagine a tired, burned-out person achieving much in life. On the other hand, energetic, positive, forward-moving individuals seem to get and enjoy far more of the things life has to offer than does the average person.

Physical Energy Is Basic

We have been led to believe that there is basically one kind of energy. We supposedly replenish this energy by sleeping at night, and during the day, we use it up again. It is as though we are machines powered by batteries, and each night we recharge our batteries for seven or eight hours. However, there are some problems with this view of energy. The biggest problem is that it does not deal with the fact that there are actually three different kinds of energy, each of which is necessary for maximum performance.

The three main forms are physical energy, emotional energy, and mental energy. Each of these energies is different, but they are interrelated, and they depend on each other.

The Sweat of Your Brow

Physical energy is raw energy, coarse energy, bulk energy, what we call “meat-and-potatoes” energy. Your physical energy is what you use to do physical labor. It is the primary energy applied by men and women who earn their livings by the sweat of their brow.

The Source of Enthusiasm

The second form of energy is emotional energy. This is the energy of enthusiasm and excitement. This is the energy that lends sparkle to the life of an individual. This is the energy that is necessary for feeling love, happiness, and joy. Largely, it is your emotional energy that makes life enjoyable for you. In fact, almost everything you say and do is determined in some way by an emotion, either positive or negative.

The Requirement for Creativity

Mental energy is the energy of creativity, of problem solving and decision making. You use mental energy to make sales, write reports and proposals, plan your day and your week, and learn new subjects. Your level of mental energy is a major determinant of the quality of your life.

Conserve Your Best Energies

The reason why most people fail to realize their potential in life and work is because they burn up their energy at the emotional level, or the physical level; therefore, they have very little energy left over for mental activities. Most people burn up their emotional energy through the expression of negative emotions. Negative emotions are like a fire that burns up their energy so quickly that they have very little left with which to think positively and constructively. In fact, one five-minute uncontrolled outburst of anger can burn up as much energy as an average person would use in eight hours of work.

Your job is to think continually about how you can stay calm and positive, and work smoothly and efficient, so you can have more mental energy to do the things that are most important to you in life.

Action Exercises

Here are three things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action:

First, take time to identify the different ways that you either use up or deplete your levels of physical, emotional and mental energy. How could you improve in each area?

Second, be sure to get plenty of healthful, nutritious food so you can keep your physical energy at high levels. This is the key to all other energies.

Third, look for ways to conserve your emotional energies by being more relaxed and optimistic in the face of daily problems and disappointments.

The more energy you have, the happier and more productive you will be.

———————- Article by Brian Tracy

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be motivated to achievement by such a lofty goal as benevolence? I must confess, however, that in the early years of my struggle to succeed, my motivation was a lot more down-to-earth. My reason for succeeding was more basic. In fact, it fell into the category of what I like to call “nitty-gritty reasons.” A nitty-gritty reason is the kind that any one of us can have — at any time, on any day — and it can cause our lives to change. Let me tell you what happened to me . . .

Shortly before I met Mr. Schoaff, I was lounging at home one day when I heard a knock at the door. It was a timid, hesitant knock. When I opened the door I looked down to see a pair of big brown eyes staring up at me. There stood a frail little girl of about ten. She told me, with all the courage and determination her little heart could muster, that she was selling Girl Scout cookies. It was a masterful presentation — several flavors, a special deal, and only two dollars per box. How could anyone refuse? Finally, with a big smile and ever-so politely, she asked me to buy. And I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to!

Except for one thing. I didn’t have two dollars! Boy, was I embarrassed! Here I was — a father, had been to college, was gainfully employed — and yet I didn’t have two dollars to my name.

Naturally I couldn’t tell this to the little girl with the big brown eyes. So I did the next best thing. I lied to her. I said, “Thanks, but I’ve already bought Girl Scout cookies this year. And I’ve still got plenty stacked in the house.”

Now that simply wasn’t true. But it was the only thing I could think of to get me off the hook. And it did. The little girl said, “That’s okay, sir. Thank you very much.” And with that she turned around and went on her way.

I stared after her for what seemed like a very long time. Finally, I closed the door behind me and, leaning my back to it, cried out, “I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ve had it with being broke, and I’ve had it with lying. I’ll never be embarrassed again by not having any money in my pocket.” That day I promised myself to earn enough to always have several hundred dollars in my pocket at all times.

This is what I mean by a nitty-gritty reason. It may not win me any prize for greatness, but it was enough to have a permanent effect on the rest of my life.

My Girl-Scout-cookie story does have a happy ending. Several years later, as I was walking out of my bank where I had just made a hefty deposit and was crossing the street to get into my car, I saw two little girls who were selling candy for some girls’ organization. One of them approached me, saying, “Mister, would you like to buy some candy?”

“I probably would,” I said playfully. “What kind of candy do you have?” “It’s almond roca.” “Almond roca. That’s my favorite. How much is it?” “It’s only two dollars.” Two dollars. It couldn’t be! I was excited. “How many boxes of candy have you got?” “I’ve got five.”

Looking at her friend, I said, “And how many boxes do you have left?”

“I’ve got four.” “That’s nine. Okay, I’ll take them all.”

At this, both girls’ mouths fell open as they exclaimed in unison, “Really?”

“Sure,” I said. “I’ve got some friends that I’ll pass some around to.”

Excitedly, they scurried to stack all the boxes together. I reached into my pocket and gave them eighteen dollars. As I was about to leave, the boxes tucked under my arm, one of the girls looked up and said, “Mister, you’re really something!” How about that! Can you imagine spending only eighteen dollars and having someone look you in the face and say, “You’re really something!”

Now you know why I always carry a few hundred dollars on me. I’m not about to miss chances like that ever again.

And to think it all resulted from my own embarrassment, that when properly channeled, acted as a powerful motivator to help me achieve.

How about you? What nitty-gritty reasons do you have waiting to challenging and provoke you into change for the better? Look for them, they are there. Sometimes it can be as simple as a brown-eyed girl selling Girl Scott cookies.

(excerpted from the book Seven Strategies for Wealth and Happiness) ——- Article by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to here.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason.

Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate, was a jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience.

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, “You’re Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!”

“How in the world did you know that?” asked Plumb.

“I packed your parachute,” the man replied.

Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man grabbed his hand and said, “I guess it worked!”

Plumb assured him, “It sure did. If your chute hadn’t worked, I wouldn’t be here today.”

Plumb couldn’t sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb kept wondering what the man might have looked like in a Navy uniform. He wondered how many times he might have seen him and not even said good morning, how are you or anything, because you see, he was a fighter pilot and the man was just a sailor. Plumb thought of the many hours that sailor had spent in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he did not know.

Now Plumb asks his audience, “Who is packing your parachute?” Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day.

Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down. As you go through your week, month, and year, recognize the people who have packed your parachute and enabled you to get where you are today!

- Source Unknown

Bill was a big, awkward, homely guy. He dressed oddly with ill-fitting clothes. There were several fellows who thought it smart to make fun of him.

One day one fellow noticed a small tear in his shirt and gave it a small rip. Another worker in the factory added his bit, and before long there was quite a ribbon dangling. Bill went on about his work and as he passed too near a moving belt the shirt strip was sucked into the machinery.

In a split second the sleeve and Bill was in trouble. Alarms were sounded, switches pulled, and trouble was avoided. The foreman, however, aware of what had happened, summoned the men and related this story:

“In my younger days I worked in a small factory. That’s when I first met Mike. He was big and witty, was always making jokes, and playing little pranks. Mike was a leader. Then there was Pete who was a follower. He always went along with Mike. And then there was a man named Jake.

He was a little older than the rest of us - quiet, harmless, apart. He always ate his lunch by himself. He wore the same patched trousers for three years straight. He never entered into the games we played at noon, wrestling, horseshoes and such. He appeared to be indifferent, always sitting quietly alone under a tree instead. Jake was a natural target for practical jokes.

He might find a live frog in his dinner pail, or a dead rodent in his hat. But he always took it in good humor. Then one fall, when things were slack, Mike took off a few days to go hunting. Pete went along, of course. And they promised all of us that if they got anything they’d bring us each a piece.

So we were all quite excited when we heard that they’d returned and that Mike had got a really big buck. We heard more than that. Pete could never keep anything to himself, and it leaked out that they had real whopper to play on Jake.

Mike had cut up the critter and had made a nice package for each of us. And, for the laugh, for the joke of it, he had saved the ears, the tail, the hoofs - it would be so funny when Jake unwrapped them.

Mike distributed his packages during the noon hour. We each got a nice piece, opened it, and thanked him. The biggest package of all he saved until last. It was for Jake. Pete was all but bursting; and Mike looked very smug. Like always, Jake sat by himself; he was on the far side of the big table. Mike pushed the package over to where he could reach it; and we all sat and waited.

Jake was never one to say much. You might never know that he was around for all the talking he did. In three years he’d never said a hundred words. So we were all quite astounded with what happened next. He took the package firmly in his grip and rose slowly to his feet. He smiled broadly at Mike - and it was then we noticed that his eyes were glistening. His adam’s apple bobbed up and down for a moment and then he got control of himself.

‘I knew you wouldn’t forget me,’ he said gratefully, ‘I knew you’d come through! You’re big and you’re playful, but I knew all along that you had a good heart.’

He swallowed again, and then took in the rest of us. ‘I know I haven’t seemed too chummy with you men; but I never meant to be rude. You see, I’ve got nine kids at home - and a wife that’s been an invalid - bedfast now for four years. She ain’t ever going to get any better. And sometimes when she’s real bad off, I have to sit up all night to take care of her. And most of my wages have had to go for doctors and medicine. The kids do all they can to help out, but at times it’s been hard to keep food in their mouths. Maybe you think it’s funny that I go off by myself to eat my dinner. Well, I guess I’ve been a little ashamed, because I don’t always have anything between my sandwich. Or like today - maybe there’s only a raw turnip in my pail. But I want you to know that this meat really means a lot to me. Maybe more than to anybody here because tonight my kids…’ he wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, ‘…tonight my kids will have a really …’

He tugged at the string. We’d been watching Jake so intently we hadn’t paid much notice to Mike and Pete. But we all noticed them now, because they both dove at once to try to grab the package. But they were too late. Jake had broken the wrapper and was already surveying his present. He examined each hoof, each ear, and then he held up the tail. It wiggled limply.

It should have been so funny, but nobody laughed - nobody at all.

But the hardest part was when Jake looked up and said ‘Thank you’ while trying to smile. Silently one by one each man moved forward carrying his package and quietly placed it in front of Jake for they had suddenly realized how little their own gift had really meant to them…Until now…”

This was where the foreman left the story and the men. He didn’t need to say anymore; but it was gratifying to notice that as each man ate his lunch that day, they shared part with Bill and one fellow even took off his shirt and gave it to him.

- Source Unknown

You can’t make everyone happy. I’m sure you’ve heard this most of your life. It seems like a surface statement - it goes in one ear and out the other - but it runs very deep. You will never be able to please everyone. No matter what you do, what decisions you make, what kind of car you drive or where you live - someone is going to be disappointed with you. Putting the opinions and judgments of others before your own will only result in your failure. Learn to trust and believe in yourself for phenomenal success.

Are you constantly trying to maintain the peace in your office or home by making sure everyone is happy? Do you find yourself walking on eggshells everywhere you go, hoping no one will “start something”? Are you afraid of ruffling feathers when you’re out with your friends, so you agree with whatever they say? If you said yes to any of these questions then you my friend are a people pleaser, or on the fast track to becoming one.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting everyone to be happy. Heck no! I want everyone to be happy 24 hours a day. But I’m not willing to compromise who I am to make that happen.

Sometimes you have to ruffle a few feathers - and that’s okay. You can’t be a “lesser” you just to make someone else happy. That’s not the way it works. Express yourself. Go ahead. But do it with love and a gentle voice. You’re not challenging anyone. You’re just being your authentic self.

When you stop saying “yes” to everyone and start expressing how you really feel, be prepared. The people who have only known the “suppressed” you are going to give you funny looks, and you’ll probably hear “what’s gotten into you” quite a bit. A few so-called friends may not ever speak to you again. But isn’t it better to know who your true friends are?

There is no such thing as a superiority complex. It’s only an inferiority complex hiding as superiority.

Action Step

Do you have people in your life that you are constantly trying to please? Are these people who you look to for approval? Do they always have opinions about your life and what you’re doing wrong?

Normally, we all have at least one of these people in our lives. But why do people act negatively toward us when we try to better ourselves? It’s not usually out of spite. Most of the time these people are either insecure about themselves and their lives, or afraid that once we begin living our dreams they’ll be left behind.

So, how do you keep your mind and your focus on your goals when these people are around? Well, the first step would be decide who you really want in your life - people who are going to support you or people who are going to bring you down. You are going to change your life and you don’t need any negative distractions. If those around you can’t listen and support you in your efforts, then they have no place in your life. Period.

If for some reason you cannot remove these people from your life, then you’ll have to decide not to discuss your life with them. If they ask you questions about what’s going on in your life tell them you’d rather not discuss it with them. Eventually they will stop asking and go away. If they offer advice anyway, simply thank them for the advice and ignore them. Try this a few times and see what happens. Negativity only survives where it is allowed to feed - starve it and it will move on.

About the Author:

Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul Series, has for more than 25 years, uniquely focused on the vital elements of human behavior that most affect our personal and professional lives and has influenced society’s top leaders and the general public on a global scale.
To learn more about Mark and to receive 20% off Mark’s best-selling audio programs - Sell Yourself Rich, How To Think Bigger, The Aladdin Factor and How to Build Your Speaking and Writing Empire
- visit http://www.YourSuccessStore.com or call 877-929-0439.

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation.

The traveler left rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime.

But, a few days later, he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said. “I know how valuable this stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Please give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me this stone.”

Sometimes it’s not the wealth you have but what’s inside you that others need.

(Source Unknown)