How To Find Happiness Blog

Psychologists have proved what the playwright Oscar Wilde always suspected: optimists and pessimists really do look at the world differently.

Wilde once quipped that even when “we are all in the gutter, some of us are looking at the stars” — and now psychologists have shown he got it just right.

In a study they found that pessimists’ brains work better when they are staring downwards and that optimists’ minds function more quickly when they are looking upwards.

The finding suggests that the hangdog expression typically adopted by the miserable could have a purpose. They might be having sad thoughts but they are thinking them more efficiently than if they looked upwards.

More importantly, the research suggests new ways for diagnosing and treating conditions such as depression, according to Brian Meier, a psychologist at North Dakota State University who led the study.

Depression is one of the most common and debilitating psychiatric illnesses, affecting more than one in five people at some point in their lives and costing the National Health Service hundreds of millions of pounds a year.

In the study, researchers tested volunteers to find those with the strongest pessimistic and optimistic traits. Then the volunteers were asked to perform various cognitive tests while looking downwards and similar tasks while looking slightly upwards.

The results showed that the pessimists performed best while looking downwards, the optimists best when they looked upwards.

“Humans have linked words like up and down, night and day with positive and negative emotions ever since advanced thought evolved. These tests hint at the origin of that relationship,” said Meier.

It is possible that such postures can actually reinforce the moods that caused them, so people with pessimistic or depressive tendencies are perpetuating them through directing their gaze downwards.

“It suggests it may be possible to relieve depression simply by persuading them to break their habits and move their gaze upwards,” said Meier.

However, is it really fair to assume anyone with their eyes fixed firmly on the ground is depressed? Yes, according to Phillip Hodson, a fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. “It’s true if you feel down you look down. It’s a psychological as well as physical function,” he said.

“Football players drop their heads when they miss a penalty because their muscles go limp and they feel deflated. If they score, they get a shot of adrenaline, they breathe more deeply and stand up taller.”

Hodson is convinced that long-term pessimists and depressives also develop a very different view of the world and their role in it compared with others.

“They expect to do badly and so they become more prone to error and they have less joie de vivre,” he said. “They’ve probably had less sleep and are sluggish; and consequently they do see the world differently.”

Depression has been recognised for centuries. Its causes were, however, a mystery until recently and sufferers were often derided as malingerers.

Recent research has shown that depressives or long-term pessimists have subtle differences in their brain chemistry that may be partly genetic or could be caused by bad diets or other factors.

Lewis Wolpert, a professor of biology at University College London, suffered serious bouts of depression that he described as like being in a “black pit” in his renowned book Malignant Sadness.

Now recovered, Wolpert’s glittering scientific career also includes a Nobel prize and becoming a senior fellow of the Royal Society.

But the pessimism still sneaks through, as when Wolpert was asked to tell a recent interviewer of his original reasons for taking up science. “Maybe I thought my nose was too big and my penis too small,” he said, “I just wanted to understand what determined the shape of things.”

(info by Roger Dobson, Jonathon Carr-Brown and Tom Baird from http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-1706116,00.html)

I am thankful…

For the taxes that I pay,
Because it means that I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a party,
Because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug,
Because it means I have enough to eat.
For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing,
Because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining I hear about the government,
Because it means that we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot,
Because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
For my huge heating bill,
Because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church that sings off key,
Because it means that I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing,
Because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day,
Because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours,
Because it means that I am alive.
And finally……. For too much e-mail,
Because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.

-Source Unknown

I had a very special teacher in high school many years ago whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack. About a week after his death, she shared some of her insights with a classroom of students. The class was nearly over, and as the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the classroom windows, she moved a few things aside on the edge of her desk and sat down there. With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said, “Before class is over, I would like to share with all of you a thought that is unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important.”

“Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves. None of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is God’s way of telling us that we must make the most out of every single day.” Her eyes beginning to water, she went on, “So I would like you all to make me a promise. From now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find something beautiful to notice. It doesn’t have to be something you see - it could be a scent - perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone’s house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground.”

“Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although it may sound trite to some, these things are the ’stuff’ of life. The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take for granted. We must make it important to notice them, for at any time…it can all be taken away.”

The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the room silently. That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from school than I had that whole semester. Every once in a while, I think of that teacher and remember what an impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate all of those things that sometimes we all overlook.

Take notice of something special you see on your lunch hour today. Go barefoot. Or walk on the beach at sunset. Stop off on the way home tonight to get a double-dip ice cream cone. For as we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn’t do.

-Source Unknown

Happiness is neither a product of success, wealth or power nor anything else that confers distinction. Happiness is the result of satisfaction. But doesn’t satisfaction comes from achieving what one wants? True but it is important to understand that most of us are not destined to achieve the success that we have aspired to and, therefore, it is important to seek satisfaction from the little things that life has to offer — an pleasurable evening in the company of friends; the affection of one’s children or grandchildren; an article well-written; a word of encouragement from a teacher or superior; the confidence of one’s subordinates.

- Shaukat Qadir

(or why deliberate discomfort is good for you)

The other day a friend and myself spent 3 hours preparing to do an overnight hike. We packed a huge range of things into two large rucksacks – things to keep us warm, to cook with, to keep us dry, to stop us from getting lost. In fact, all things that I would already have if I stayed at home.

We then had my wife’s father drive us 20 miles from my house and we walked back. And not the shortest route either. Or the flattest. In fact, we went out of our way to make the walk as arduous as possible.

So why did we do it?

It’s a question we pondered as we laboured along under 40 pounds of load, peering bleary-eyed through sweat at the magnificent scenery around us. Why would two grown men, both reasonably sensible at other times, load themselves up like pack mules and ask to be abandoned miles from home?

And as we mulled it over, we started discussing the fact that much of modern life is geared towards making things easier. And there are many benefits to that:

* hot water straight from the tap, no campfire required

* heat on demand, no shivering necessary

* light at the flick of a switch to extend your day as long as you want

* food all in one place so you don’t have to hunt all over

No-one would argue that these are advances that have left us able to conduct more comfortable, fulfilling and hopefully useful lives.

But what happens when we take it to extremes? We must remember that human beings have developed to struggle and overcome. Nature/God/evolution has enabled us to progress this far by ensuring we feel good when we reach a goal or solve a problem.

Our brains and bodies have evolved a wonderfully subtle built-in reward system to keep us achieving. Be it climbing a mountain or cleaning the house, our biology makes us feel good in order to keep us trying.

A vacuum of effort, meaning - and happiness?

So what happens when people stop making effort? When they stop stretching themselves? Take lottery winners for example; a year after their win, their happiness levels are the same as before it. Happiness does not come from having lots of money. Happiness comes from leading a satisfying life despite the fact that you have lots of money and can afford to sit around and do nothing.

In fact, with a little thought it is obvious that happiness does not come from the things that many of us in the West focus on every day. There are millions of happy people around the World who have little in material terms.

Why did we put ourselves through all that suffering?

So why go through step after step, mile after mile of burning muscles and aching backs? Because it made us feel good. And it made us feel good because:

* we set and achieved a goal

* we completed something arduous enough to stretch us and expand our perceptions of our own capabilities

* the exercise released serotonin, and that combined with the exhaustion made us sleep better

* we ached for days, reminding us of just how hard we had worked

Of course our friends and family have stopped talking to us because we won’t shut up about how tough we are, but that’s a small price to pay.

Article by Roger Elliott
http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/bio/roger_elliott.html

What is your commitment in life? You may say you are committed to happiness. Every living creature wants to be happy. Whether it is money, power or sex, you get into it for the sake of happiness. Some people even enjoy misery because it gives them happiness !

To be happy, we seek something. But despite getting it, we are not happy. A school-going boy may think that if he goes to college, he will be more independent, free and therefore happy. If you ask a college-going boy whether he is happy, he feels that if he gets a job, he will be happy. Talk to somebody who is settled in their job or business, you already know what he will say! He is waiting to get a perfect soul mate, to be happy. He gets a soul mate, but he now wants a kid to be happy. Ask those who have children if they are happy. How can they relax until the children have grown up and have had a good education and are on their own. Ask those who are retired, are they happy? They long for the days when they were younger.

All of one’s life is spent in preparing to be happy someday in the future. It’s like making a bed all night, but having no time to sleep.

How may minutes, hours and days have we spent our life being happy from within ? Those are the only moments you have really lived life. Those were perhaps the days when you were a small kid, completely blissful and happy or a few moments when you were surfing, swimming or sailing or on a mountain top, living in the present and enjoying it.

There are two ways of looking at life. One is thinking that, “I’ll be happy after achieving a certain objective.” The second is saying that “I am happy come what may!”

Which one do you want to live?

Seeking a guru

Before looking for a guru, it is important to know who is a true guru, and who will guide you to the path of happiness.

One who says he is a guru is not a true guru. A guru is not one who claims authority on you. A guru is not one who dictates terms to you. A guru simply means one who brings more joy, alertness and awareness into your life. He is the one who helps you get in touch with yourself, who reminds you to live in the present moment, who pulls you out of your guilt, agitation, sorrow, anguish and allows you to be yourself. Also, a master lives the values he teaches.

Enlightenment does not come through authority. Somebody cannot command you to get enlightened. Once life blossoms, and love and compassion become a reality, then silence dawns and the transformation happens. That is enlightenment. It is a personal experience.

God is also a very personal experience. It is something akin to pain. If you have a pain in your leg, can you prove it to anybody? Can you show your pain to anybody?

Much the same way, the opening of infinite consciousness is also a personal experience. The basic substratum of creation — you may call it God or any other name — opens up to us more and more as we get rid of the stresses and start living in the present moment. And then dawns surrender.

Surrender is not an act. One cannot “try” to surrender. Most often, one keeps wondering as to how to surrender. And this struggle blocks one from being “in” surrender. Surrendering is in your nature. Just like it is a child’s nature to love toys, candies, and ice creams.

How can one find his true guru? Just be open and keep learning, and when your learning is complete, it becomes obvious. When you’re on the path, don’t worry about the guru. First look at your own life, your own self. Have trust in yourself. And as knowledge unfolds, you’ll find that there is suddenly a lot of gratitude in you towards somebody and then you can accept him as a master.

Live in the moment

Life is 80 per cent joy and 20 per cent misery. But we hold on to the 20 per cent and make it 200 per cent ! It is not a conscious act, it just happens. Living in the moment with joy, alertness, awareness and compassion is enlightenment. Being like a child is enlightenment. It is being free from within, feeling at home with everybody, without barriers.

Don’t judge and don’t worry about what others think of you. Whatever they think, it is not permanent. Your own opinion about things and people keeps changing all the time. So why worry about what others think about you. Worrying takes a lot of toll on the body, mind, intellect and alertness. It is like an obstruction that takes us far away from ourselves. It brings us fear. Fear is nothing but lack of love. It is an intense sense of isolation.

This can be handled by relaxing and doing some breathing exercises. Then you will realise that, “I am loved, I am part of everybody and I am part of the whole Universe.” This will liberate you and the mind will take a complete shift. You will then find so much harmony around.

To find harmony, it is not as if you have to physically seek it by sitting somewhere for years and practise. Whenever you are in love and feel joyous, your mind is in the present . At some level, to some degree, everybody is meditating without being aware of it. There are moments when your body, mind and breath are all in harmony. That’s when you achieve yoga. The art of living lies in the present moment.

(info by Sri Sri Ravishankar from http://www.newindpress.com/sunday/sundayitems.asp?id=SEE20050701055931&eTitle=The+Art+of+Self+Discovery&rLink=0)

We know that the body has a natural bias toward health and energy. It’s designed to last for 100 years with proper care and maintenance. When something goes wrong with any part of our body, we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.

We know that when our body is not functioning smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor; we take pills; we undergo physical therapy, massage or chiropractic. We know that if we ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time, it could lead to something more serious.

How To Tell Right From Wrong

In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to tell emotionally what’s right for us and what’s wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing things in the physical realm, nature gives us emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not doing things in the emotional or mental realm. The wonderful thing is that you’re constructed so that if you simply listen carefully to yourself—to your mind, your body and your emotions—and follow the guidance you’re given, you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.

Just as the natural physical state of your body is health and vitality, your natural emotional state is peace and happiness. Whenever you experience a deviation from peace and happiness, it’s an indication that something is amiss. Something is wrong with what you’re thinking, doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness is the best indicator you could ever have to tell you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.

The Messenger

Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that what you’re doing is wrong for you.

Very often, you’ll suffer from what has been called “divine discontent.” You’ll feel fidgety and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are unclear to you. You’ll be dissatisfied with the status quo. Sometimes, you’ll be unable to sleep. Sometimes, you’ll be angry or irritable. Very often, you’ll get upset with things that have nothing to do with the real issue. You’ll have a deep inner sense that something isn’t as it should be, and you’ll often feel like a fish on a hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.

Divine Discontent

And that is a good thing. Divine discontent always comes before a positive life change. If you were perfectly satisfied, you would never take any action to improve or change your circumstances. Only when you’re dissatisfied for some reason do you have the inner motivation to engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.

Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go with the flow of your own personality. Do the things that make you feel happy inside and you’ll probably never make another mistake.

Action Exercises

Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, listen to yourself and trust your own feelings. If there is a part of your life that causes you stress and happiness, resolve to deal with it.

Second, identify those areas of your life where you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any reason. What changes should you , could you make?

Third, remember that nature wants you to be happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.

———————-
Article by Brian Tracy

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Have you ever heard of the concept called creating “Dream Boards” or “Treasure Maps?” If not, then you are in for a treat. A Dream Board is a visual picture of the dreams you have for your life. Usually those dreams involve your entire life, and some of my clients use this concept to visualize their businesses! It becomes a first business plan for them.

An important concept to remember is not to “get stuck” on your dream boards. We all have plans for our future, but bear in mind that it is also important to watch the universe for signs of “its” plans for us. Otherwise, we may miss out on great opportunities!

To start you first have to dream or have an idea to commit yourself to, and then you will be able to make an effective plan. A Dream Board is a creative and fun tool to plan your desired future. To create a Dream Board follow these steps:

Step 1:

Purchase a large piece of paper such as oak tag or poster board in whatever color you like. Find four thumbtacks and glue or scotch tape.

Step 2:

Place a picture of you that you really enjoy looking at in the center of your board.

Step 3:

Cut out pictures that symbolize your dreams, goals, etc. and paste them on your board. You can always draw the pictures if you would like. Cannot draw perfectly? Draw it anyway! (If I can, you can.)

What are some of your dreams? Remember to include all areas of your life on your board: Career/Business, Relationships (self & others), Money, Recreation/Play, Health/Well Being, etc. Get specific. Be sure that you are really passionate about everything you place on your board. Remember, to locate pictures that are very descriptive because the more details you incorporate on your board, the greater your success can be!

Go for it! Enjoy it! Have fun!

…Tack it on the wall.

As your dreams continue to grow or change, keep adding to it…

Spend a few moments in front of it before you start day!

…Make it the last thing you look at before you go to sleep.

Special thanks to Edie Peirera-Hulbert for teaching me the concept of Dream Boards, and to Susan Ban Breathnach and Unity’s 4T Prosperity Program for expanding my knowledge.

©2005 Maria Marsala.

From Cut Through The B.S.Dream It! A No-Nonsense Guide To Help Individuals Find Their Ideal Career or Business. A soon to be released ebook that helps it’s readers to decide want they want to “be” professionally when they “grow up”! Available June 1, 2005 www.ElevatingYourBusiness.com

What’s wrong with “the pursuit of happiness”?

A dictionary defines “pursue” as “to try to find, get or win.” Alternate definitions use words such as “chase” and “hunt.” All of these imply external activities. I suggest that any search for happiness outside oneself will fail.

Happiness is an attitude, a state of mind, level of consciousness and degree of acceptance. All of these are subjective, internal experiences. Yes, externals can help us attain these internal states. However, dependence on external occurrences, including other people, means our happiness is dependent on factors beyond our control. That is not a healthy basis for long-term happiness.

We can and should be happy simply because we are alive. Our lives are partially the result of heredity, but mostly the result of our decisions. We choose to exercise and eat a balanced diet or not. We choose to have a strong social support network or not. We choose to be primarily optimistic or not. We also can choose happiness. If all we ever do is pursue it, we’ll end up wondering what went wrong.

(info from http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050619/LIVING/506190380/1007)

Happiness has become a buzzword, more than the birthday song, more than “if we’re happy and we know it” clapping our hands or stomping our feet. Everywhere we look, it seems, there’s a quiz to take, steps to follow, articles to read that measure, guarantee, heighten our happiness.

What we used to take for granted now has come under the microscope. Amazing research is being done on what makes us happy, how happiness affects our health, whether some people’s brains are more wired toward happiness than others’.

All of which makes us wonder about the basics: What is this thing we know when we feel it, but it seems so hard to put a finger on? Just what constitutes happiness?

The sensation of a shared sunset with someone you love? A really good steak? A raise? A child’s smile? A thumbs-up from the doctor? Finally conquering a fear, maybe finally giving up smoking?

Scientifically speaking, happiness is what Florida psychologist and author David Niven calls “the basic sense of satisfaction with yourself and your environment.”

“It’s not running down the street whistling and skipping and saying, ‘I’m the luckiest boy in the world,’” he said.

Niven, who teaches political psychology at Florida Atlantic University, has written several books on happiness. Among them is “The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People” (Harper San Francisco, $11.95 paperback).

He bases his book on research into happiness, research on what we used to take for granted, on what we never saw the need to question.

The field, called “positive psychology,” is relatively new. Up until about a decade ago, about 90 percent of research on emotions focused on the negative.

But studying happiness “is as important as studying depression,” said Jason Berman, a doctoral candidate in psychology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas. This summer, he’ll study with two happiness experts in Pennsylvania.

Research shows that happiness and its related mental states, optimism and hopefulness, seem to limit the severity or reduce the risk of such health problems as diabetes, hypertension and even the common cold.

A special Time magazine issue on happiness cites studies showing the relationship of religion to happiness. The more believers incorporate religion into their daily lives, the better off they seem to be in at least two ways: an overall sense of satisfaction with life and the frequency of positive emotions.

Other studies have shown that some people are genetically predisposed to be happy. But that doesn’t mean anybody else can’t be, Niven says.

“The basic realities of life for happy and unhappy people are basically the same,” Niven said. “Happy people don’t have a magic button to get them out of traffic jams, or that mutes an impolite boss. But they draw different messages and meanings from such situations.”

Perhaps Dawn Spellman Rummel knows that more than most of us. Her husband, Joe, died at home late last month, two years after his colon cancer was diagnosed. He was 35. And despite almost unspeakable tragedy, shortly before his death she said she considered herself happy.

“I think happiness changes with your situation in life,” said Rummel, 37. “Right now, it’s peace, being at peace with the process that’s happening.”

Now that Joe has passed away, she still sees happiness in her life, but in another role.

“Could I call

myself happy?” she asked. “At this point, happiness is like a bright light that’s far away. The distance between me and it is the grieving process I have to go through. Every time I go outside and play with my dog, or a friend makes me laugh, the light gets closer. I have to travel through grief and loneliness and sorrow and emptiness to get back to it, but it’s still there.

“I know it’s at the core of my being … one of the greatest gifts my husband gave me before he left was to tell me he wanted me to be happy, and to go on and live my life.”

Good health, perhaps surprisingly, isn’t “the top determinant of happiness,” as economist Richard Layard writes in “Happiness: Lessons From a New Science” (Penguin Press; $25.95).

“Healthy members of the public generally overestimate the loss of happiness that people actually experience from many of the main medical conditions,” he writes.

Still, health ranks fifth in a list of five factors Layard cites that affect happiness in some way. (In order, the others are family relationships, financial situation, work, and community and friends.)

Many people assume money could propel them into the realm of happiness. In reality, it matters only a bit, when it can lift people out of poverty, Layard writes. Indeed, people in some countries without such American basics as digital cable and computers rank high on the happiness scale.

According to a Time magazine poll, happiness levels increased with incomes up to $50,000. After that, more income did not have a dramatic effect.

“We spend so much of our energy and effort chasing something that ultimately won’t affect how we feel about our life,” Niven said. “Ask a person, ‘Would money make you happier?’ They’d say, ‘Yes, of course.’”

Yet lottery winners, he said, “are some of the least happy people you can find. They almost always wind up enmeshed in disputes: friends and family asking for money or bad investment advice.”

Maybe they just need to realize that our grandmothers were right: Money can’t buy happiness. Instead, Niven said, “Happiness is a matter of finding joy where you are.

“It’s not associating false joy with what you don’t have. It’s really letting the good that’s in your life be visible to you.”

Five years ago, if somebody had asked Nancy Winstead, of Plano, Texas, whether she was happy, she would have answered, “Sure. Why not?”

Now she wonders, “But was I really happy?”

Not until she was found to have breast cancer and finished with the subsequent treatment did she understand what it meant to feel happy, she said.

“It’s an old cliche, saying to stop and smell the roses, but it really is true,” said Winstead, 65. “Sometimes it takes something like this to say life is beautiful, whether you’re religious or not, to be able to walk and talk and enjoy a hamburger, things that didn’t seem important before.”

(info from http://www.bismarcktribune.com/articles/2005/06/07/news/life/lif01.txt)